My migraines were so frequent and so awful that I caved back into my bad eating regiment. The sugar hiatus was gone and I was drinking starbucks and slurpees and eating chips and chocolate bars. The only good thing was that despite all of this, I never ever went back to sugar in my tea. I guess that counts as a small victory right?? I kept telling myself with every drive through order, that this was my last time and tomorrow I would quit again. But tomorrow never came. I didn't even try. I was disappointed in myself after all that I accomplished the month before and that even further made me delve into the sweets and starbucks. My blog suffered tremendously, I have piles of laundry to be washed, dried, folded and put away. My house constantly looks like a natural disaster zone hahaha. Thankfully I have a great husband who never ever complains about the state of our house no matter what - except for when I sweep and just sweep everything into a corner and not dustpan it right away. He hates that but I am much much better at that.
This morning Finley stayed home from school because she wasn't feeling good. I was annoyed that she had to be sick today. Why not yesterday or tomorrow? I had bootcamp today and wanted to go. I immediately felt bad for thinking this and thankfully she was feeling better and went for the afternoon. But then I was starting to feel like I had a head cold coming on. My head felt full of pressure, my ears hurt, my throat was sore, my whole body ached and all I wanted to do was sleep. I had 3 naps and was feeling very down and sorry for myself. I have a race on Saturday that I am not overly prepared for since I have been revamping my running form, my hips were aching because I have stretched and done my hip strengthening exercises like 3x this month, my knee was sore and my toes still ache on occasion. It was seriously not a pretty site. And I hated that I was doing this. Having a pity party is not my style and rarely do I have one especially one of this magnitude.
I found some Advil Cold and Sinus Plus and popped 2 pills and perused Pinterest while I waited for it to be time to go get the girls from school when I came across this pinned quote:
I was really moved by this quote and while it doesn't all apply to me, a lot of it did and does. Self Destruction is not an option for me and it will never be. I don't claim to be a perfect human, far from it in fact, but I think I do a good job of living my life in a positive way most of the time. I started thinking as I walked to school but everything that I felt. I had every right to be frustrated by migraines but I never should have let them win and make me stray so far from who I am. I mean not only did I let it impact my diet, I wasn't sleeping great, I wasn't getting up early in the mornings, I was barely up when it was time to get the kids up. I let it control every aspect of my life and run me down which is probably why i feel this head cold is coming on. I did nothing to stop it and everything for it intrude on me. I needed to make my tomorrow today and it had to start now. Not tomorrow, but right that second.
I picked the girls up from school and came home and had a long hot bath. Then I figured out how to clean out the drain in my bathtub because it was clogged with my hair and not draining right. I was very happy that I was able to do that. Instead of getting back into my pyjamas, I got dressed and brushed my hair. Even though I had no where to go, I knew I had to do it to make myself feel better. I went back downstairs, started a load of laundry and finished watching the last 2 episodes of GirlBoss. I even managed to read a few chapters of the new Lauren Graham book too! I started supper and enjoyed the company of my family instead of being bitter about how awful I was feeling. The rest of our evening was uneventful: me cleaning up the kitchen, perusing Pinterest and eventually writing this blog post while the kids did math and played with Greg.
More good news is that I haven't had a real headache or migraine since last Thursday evening/early Friday morning so fingers crossed that my cluster migraines are gone for the foreseeable future. I honestly cannot take another month like this one anytime soon, that is for sure.
I still have the pressure head cold like headache and my throat still hurts. I don't feel as tired and my ears aren't hurting so that's a bonus right? This is basically out of my control but I will continue drinking as much water as humanly possible and taking my advil cold and sinus plus ( i swear by this stuff) and hope and pray that it doesn't get the best of me on Saturday morning while I run Eye Ball The Wall.
Looking back at this month, I can honestly say that today was not the only day of my pity party - it just reached a breaking point where I finally knew I had to change something. It wasn't healthy and more importantly, it wasn't me. It was time for me to bounce back. Not tomorrow, not next week but right freaking now and I did. I can only hope that when I wake this morning, I still have this positive attitude to get me through the day and all the days going forward.
Bad days are allowed. Bad months are not.
I cannot wait for a fresh start in May